Knew It Was Too Good To Be True!

Well… I should have known the happiness would never last! This is MY life after all! 

I had a phone call from the Queens Medical Centre at Nottingham today. My brother’s been readmitted, this time to a medical ward. Apparently his liver/lungs are failing and that’s just what the nurse could tell me on the phone! The reason she rang though was because he was discharging himself and wanted to know if there was anything I could do to stop him. I said I’d go to the hospital but it’d take me 40 minutes to drive there, and she said he was leaving the ward as we spoke so I’m not sure what else I can do?? I don’t know where he’s staying or anything…! It’s heartbreaking to know that he’s out there, obviously in a lot of pain and I can’t help him! 

Then this afternoon, went to Mum’s to see if we couldn’t sort the Leanne situation out a bit more. I’ve ended up with Leanne staying with me 2, if not 3 nights a week for the next month, now this might sound selfish, but that feels like a lot to me, when I still have to bring Abigail up and work full time? It doesn’t help that Mum sat there afterwards and said ‘I haven’t done bad next week’ dead smug, cos Leanne’s coming to me 3 nights, dad’s one night and spending one night at Yew Trees so she’s only at home two nights! The Dr’s decided yesterday that her foot isn’t broke after all, so at least she’s not in plaster I suppose! 

I had a lovely lunch with Chelle and Oliver today though. Even if it was a bit of a farce to start with! We didn’t really count on everywhere being so busy seeing as it’s Good Friday! We tried the King & Miller, but the staff were less than helpful there! Oliver was in his pram and the man trying to get us a table looked at us like we were aliens when we said Oliver was staying in the pram…Where else is he supposed to go like? Then we went to Pizza Hut and that was rammed, so we decided to go through McDonalds Drive thru and sat in the car and eat it! Don’t say we don’t know how to live the high life!!! It was nice though, cos me & Chelle had a chance to catch up and it was great to see Oliver, I can’t believe how much he’s grown!! He’s gorgeous and such a happy lil chappy!! We’ve arranged to hopefully have lunch properly when Abigail’s on half term, cos I’ve got some leave booked so looking forward to that!! 

Don’t think things are looking too well on the date front… I think I might be getting the brush off, the texts have become less frequent and when I suggested doing something next week he said I’ll have to see what I’ve got on cos I’m busy… Yeah I can take a hint! Knew it was too good to be true… So apparently I CAN stop smiling after all… How silly of me to think any different!

Can’t stop smiling!

Hi again guys! Two blogs in a week…  I better be steady ay!! 

I’m sooooo glad it’s bank holiday this weekend, I really feel like it’s been none stop for I don’t know how long and I’m so ready for 4 days to chill out and do what I want to do in my own time! Not really got anything exciting planned… Although we have made plans to see Chelle & Baby Oliver, which I’m REALLY looking forward to! I haven’t seen them since my birthday and that’s ages ago! Abigail’s very excited to see Baby Oliver too!!  The date went really well… We went to Gunthorpe Bridge and had some tea, and it was really nice. We got on very well and I think I like him. He came over to my house the night after as well and we had a nice quiet night in, which also went well. So, so far all the signs are good! We haven’t arranged to see each other again yet, but we’ve been texting everyday so that’s a good sign isn’t it? I’m not getting too carried away with anything and I’m just going to take it as it comes, but I’ve felt really happy over the last few days and I’ve haven’t stopped smiling yet!  

My cousin came over last night with her kids and we had a good old natter! It was great to catch up again and I was filling her in on all the stuff that had happened with Leanne. She’d even bought me a BIG Dairy Milk Easter Egg to cheer me up! How nice is that! It was a late one though, cos they didn’t leave my house til gone ten! So I’m knackered today cos I’ve had late nights every night this week! That’s another reason I’m really glad I’ve got an extra 2 days off work! I might get a lie in!!! Lol!! 

Things with Leanne are still a bit up in the air! After Monday’s escapades she decided that she might like to try coming to stay with me a couple of days in the week as well as alternate weekends so she’s away from Mum for even longer. I’m not sure what we’re doing with that yet though, cos she only got back from Yew Trees yesterday, so me, mum and Leanne are going to sit down for an hour tomorrow to discuss some dates and that to see where we go from here! But, in the mean time, last Wednesday I took Leanne to A & E cos she’d fallen a few days previously and her foot. She had it x-rayed and the Dr assured us it was just a sprain, then on Monday A & E rang mum and said they’ve reviewed the x-ray again and found a little break! So she’s got to come back to Clinic this morning! God I hope she doesn’t have to have it in plaster!!! 

That’ll do I think! See Ya Soon… Happy Easter Everyone!  

Some good stuff… some bad… Suppose it’s better than ALL bad!

Well, it’s been a while again hasn’t it. I just had time to update, between work, Abigail, my sister and just life in general, I feel like I’ve been non-stop for a few weeks now.

 Things are well in general. Which makes a surprising change for me. I’ve had a much brighter, more positive look on life in general for the first time this year. 

It’s not all been good stuff though. My mum & youngest sister have been fighting a lot recently that culminated in a massive blow out a week past Friday emergency social services were called and Leanne was taken in to respite for the weekend. She then came home on the Sunday morning and within a few hours things were as bad as ever again. So much so, that on Monday morning, social services decided that Leanne couldn’t stay with my mum and took her back to respite for a week! I got really upset when I found out, I felt like Mum was writing her off and giving her up without fighting, because my worry was, that social services obviously aren’t going to continue with that pattern where they’re being called in every other day or whatever and I really thought they would make the decision to remove Leanne from Mum’s care all together and we’d lose her you know? Game over.

So with that in mind, I decided to get Mum, Dad me and Carly to sit down together and discuss all the options as a family and see if we couldn’t sort something out between us, and try and find a solution, before social services gave us their solution. After some protests from my mum, to the tune of ‘I don’t know what you think that will achieve’ (cos what she’s been doing was clearly achieving so much!). It was quite emotional when we all talked about it, cos I got really upset and frustrated that no one seemed willing to try anything! I suggested that Leanne come and live with me, for the 5 months until she goes to college. I’d put a lot of thought into it, and while it would’ve meant some sacrifice on my part, I was sure I could do it. I wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise. But mum shouted that idea down straight away. She reckoned at first that she was worried for Abigail’s safety (I can hand on heart now say that there is no way that Leanne would hurt Abigail) and then she said she was worried about me and all this, but when I argued all them points with her, she came out with what her real problem was. Because Leanne is registered disabled, she gets certain amount of benefits every month, and mum gets like a carers allowance, and because she gets that she also gets her rent and council tax paid, if Leanne came to live with me, I’d get the carers allowance and so mum would have to go back to work and she wouldn’t get the rent and council tax paid! How wrong is that? So as a compromise, Dad suggested Leanne stay with me some of the time to ‘give my mum a break’ (as though she don’t get enough of a break with all the respite and that) which mum immediately agreed to (so, don’t that prove that she was never worried about me, or Abigail’s safety? Otherwise Leanne staying, even temporarily with me would be out of the question!) as long as I had her alternate weekends so mum could go out!?!? So that’s what we’re trying. Leanne stayed this weekend and everything was ok. I dropped her off at 8.15 am today and by 8.45 am mum was on the phone saying Leanne had kicked off… Mum had only got to have her until 10 am because she was going back to respite! Then mum got strop on with me, cos I didn’t know what to suggest to sort the problem out!! So we’ll see how things go… I can’t see that things are going to get any better though to be honest. No matter what I try! 

In good news, I went out Friday night… Had an AMAZING night (got a little bit too drunk cos Abigail was staying at mums!) and I met someone.. I don’t want to say too much, cos I don’t want to jinx it or anything, you all know what my track records is like! But, he’s taking me out again this week! I’m dead nervous, but in a good way!! Fingers crossed ay??

Ciao for now!   

Sometimes love just ain’t enough….

See, just when you thought I was getting better at updating… I’m not!! Lol!! 

I had a lovely week off around my birthday. It was so nice to spend so much time with Abigail and she really loved it too! It made such a refreshing change, I feel really guilty for leaving her while I go to work and I worry about the long term effects it will have on her, but what other choice have I got really? We didn’t do anything especially exciting, I had planned to take her on a couple of trips out to the zoo or something like that, but to be honest the weather wasn’t really up to it! So we’ll save that for her summer holidays, cos I’ve planned to have some time off while she’s off then as well! 

Then I had to come back to work though! It’s not that I don’t enjoy work, cos I’m loving it now, more than I’ve ever enjoyed a job before. I get on brilliantly with the two girls I sit with and it’s a laugh, but when you’ve had a week off it makes it hard to get up in the morning and come back! Things have been a little hectic at work just lately, cos there’s usually 2 people doing my job and at the moment there’s just little old me! Someone has been appointed though, and I’m in the process of training him up, so hopefully it won’t be long until he’s in post and things calm down a little! 

My bestest friend from when we were kids is having a baby! I’m soooo excited. I’ve known Jodie all my life and she did have some bad times in her teens and that, so to see her now, married, with her own house and now with a little baby on the way, it’s really nice. She’s asked me to be Godmother to little Baby Deakin when it’s born too, which is a HUGE honour, and of course I accepted! So I’ll be being a Godmother twice now, cos Carly’s asked me to be Godmother to her lil baby when he’s born too! How lucky am I? All these babies that I can cuddle and spoil, and most importantly, give back to their parents when they start crying!!!  

My mum’s foot is still strapped up, she went back to clinic and they’ve re-x-rayed it and it’s healing, just very slowly. So they’ve removed the pot and put this air boot thing on, that looks a bit like a moon boot! She’s starting Physio as well, but she’s also got to have a bone density scan cos they think she might have osteoporosis. Apparently cos she had a hysterectomy at a fairly young age, and has been on HRT since then, she’s more at risk to get osteoporosis! So that should be interesting…! 

The psychologist sessions are going well… I feel like I had a bit of a break through last week after going through a couple of weeks where I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere and I was feeling really defensive about it, but this week the walls seem to have come down a bit and I finally feel like I might be making progress. I am very conscious that they ‘anniversary’ is approaching (May) and it’ll be 10 years this year which feels like it’s a bit of a milestone. Hopefully with the counselling and that I’ll cope better this year than I did last. And also with a bit of luck, and the grace of God I might not have all the other shit to deal with like I did last year as well, which will probably help! 

Not much else to report really…! Nothing happening on the romantic side of my life… But there’s no surprise there then! I’m fed up of being single and on my own now! So if anyone knows any decent single fella’s…. point them in my direction!! Lol… No I’m serious!!