Hmm… Relationships are more difficult than they look!!

Hi Guys… It’s been a while again hasn’t it… It’s all this having a life malarkey, I’m too busy to blog! What’s that all about!

 

Life in general is still… wait for it… good! I’m not saying I’ve been persistently happy since I last blogged cos there’s been a couple of ‘blips’ but overall I feel great!

 

Me & Ste (new fella has a name you see) are still seeing each other. We are now officially a ‘couple’ apparently… We had this discussion the other week, cos we’d been seeing each other a month and I think we both felt it was time to sort of define what was happening. Cos we’ve spent so much time together, you can’t really say we’re just casually going out and that. So we both agreed that we were ‘together’ properly, in that we’re not seeing other people (which is great to be clear on after the twathoop saga)! It’s crazy how soon you get used to having someone in your life though, my whole way of thinking has changed really, I’ve now got to consider someone else when I’m making my decisions (obviously I’m used to this with Abigail, but it’s a different thing really). Also, normally I’m a fiercely independent person, and I love having my own space, but he’s been staying at my house over the weekends (when he’s not been working) and it’s really hard to get used to him not being there in the week!! So all in all things are good there… I’m not gonna sit here and say after 6 weeks that we’re in love and never gonna split up and all that, cos that’d just be crazy! But I think things are as good as they can be for this early on! The sheer fact that I’m not bored is a good sign!! As anyone that knows me will appreciate! Lol!!

 

We’ve had a couple of ‘moments’ though, we had our first ‘proper’ argument on Saturday! We’d made plans to spend the day together, but then I remembered that I was supposed to be taking Abigail to my little cousins birthday party 2 – 4 pm. So I said to him why don’t  you go to the Club (cos some of his mates were in watching the football) while I go to the party, then I’ll pick you up and we’ll go out for some tea, so we agreed on that. I rang him when I was leaving the party, he was fine, said he’d be ready. I got to the club and he got in the car, and I could tell he’d had more than a couple of pints straight away, and he’d got arse on cos he’d ‘had’ to come out the club! So we set off in the car, and he’s winding me up more and more with little comments about how he wished he could’ve stayed and all this, til I lost it and just said do ya wanna go back then? So he said yes! I couldn’t believe it, we’d made plans and he was changing them to go to the shocking club! I was driving his car, and I cos I was quite annoyed, I was driving like a crazy lady! So then he starts saying in the car ‘oh I tell ya what I’ll never see my friends again’! I really don’t think I’d said that, in fact I’m fairly sure it was me that suggested he go to the club in the first place! Anyway, he wanted me to drop him off at the club, but I was that angry at this point that as he went to get out the car at the club, I put foot down and parked up at my house so he had to walk (no big hardship as the club is literally a stones throw from my house but still)! And he stomped off to the club! It’s quite funny when I think about it now, but it wasn’t at the time! We did make friends later on, he came round to my house at 7 pm cos we’d got plans for my sister to come round for a takeaway! He was quite drunk though, so we couldn’t really talk about it properly that night, he went to work from my house Sunday Morning, and he rung me when he got there and apologised properly, he said he’s realised that I didn’t actually do anything wrong Saturday afternoon and that it was him that was out of order (which I knew anyway!)! It was only something little though, and I suppose it’s normal for people to argue, I think it’d probably be a bit strange if we didn’t really don’t ya think? 

 

The biggest thing at the minute though is his ex. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned what happened, but they’d been sort of split up since Christmas and she was staying in Liverpool (which is where she’s from), then they were gonna give it another go and she came back up for a bit but he found out that she’d been seeing someone else for about 4 months! The day after I met Ste, she came up to the village, loaded all the furniture from their house into a van and took it to Liverpool (I might just add that it was all Ste’s furniture that he bought and paid for!) Anyway, I think now she’s realised that she’s made a mistake and is now regretting it, cos she’s been sending him messages from her kids (their not his!) pulling on his heart strings, and then she sent him one last week saying can you tell your girlfriend to stop texting me…! I hadn’t text her, she was just making out! She told him I’d told her that me & Ste had been together 4 months.. why would I lie about that?? I didn’t even know him 7 weeks ago!!! Then she text him 10 times last Friday saying that I’d rung her! I haven’t even got her number!!! Fortunately it didn’t cause any trouble, but potentially it could’ve. Then last week she text him saying she still loved him!!! Ace or what? Anyway this has really bothered me over the last week or so, which I think it would any woman, or am I wrong in thinking that? You tell me ladies, if you was in a new relationship, and the fella’s ex was texting him anything up to 10 times a day, saying she still loved him and she was remembering the good times they had, oh and the other classic was when she text him and told him to listen to Leona Lewis new song Footprints in the Sand cos it made her think of them two together…Would that bother you? It’s made me feel quite insecure, and has caused a bit of bad feeling between me and Ste, cos I’ve been quite arsey about little things, cos I’ve got it into my head that she’s gonna get to him, and he’s gonna go back and I’ll be the one left on my own for a change!

 

We have sorted that out now, I spent a lot of time thinking yesterday, and I came to the conclusion, that me being all insecure and slightly crazy is not helping the situation at all! In fact it’s more likely to send him packing! It don’t help that I’m struggling with my other shit at the minute, I’ve not been sleeping and the ‘anniversary’ is coming up in 3 weeks again! And so called friends are getting involved and causing trouble!

So I made a decision to not let my usual insecurities ruin something that could potentially be quite good! And last night when he came round last night, we had an ace night and it was dead relaxed and we had a laugh, and it was how it was last week, before I started letting everything get to me! Plus she’s not text him since the weekend, which has eased my mind a little!

 

Anyway… I’ve waffled on a bit now! Looking forward to the Liverpool v Chelsea match tonight, think it might be a bit of a nail biter though! I really hope we can beat them! We’re going out to watch it cos it’s on Sky, so it should be good, Abigail’s sleeping at mum’s so I get a night off!

 

See ya Soon XxXxX

Happiness

Shockingly, life’s still going fairly well for me! We’re pushing a fortnight now where I’ve been relatively happy!

 

Things still seem to be going well with the new man in my life! He came to my house after work on Friday and I was really excited to see him, how weird is it that I miss him when I don’t see him when we’ve only known each other 3 weeks?

 

We went to the zoo on Saturday and had an absolutely lovely day! Abigail properly LOVED it! She was so excited, she was running backwards and forwards round all the animals like a crazy lady! It was lovely to see her enjoying herself so much! I know I don’t tend to blog about her an awful lot, which is a little weird cos she’s the biggest and best thing in my life! She’s 5 now (going on 50 I think sometimes) and she’s a proper little character. She had me and the new fella marching around the zoo following the map and everything! All in all we had a lovely day, Abigail said her favourite bits were seeing the Giraffes, penguins and Meer cats (she even gave us an impression of a meer cat… so cute!) and because she’s been such a good girl he bought her a teddy giraffe from the gift shop (she’s called it Baby Giraffe) which she thinks is the best thing since sliced bread!

 

Saturday night, Abigail went to bed fairly early cos she was wiped out from running around all day so Jodie and Jez came round and had a drink with us (obviously Jodie didn’t cos she’s pregnant)! It was a right laugh, funny how you can have such a good night just sitting in the house and chatting! Jodie and Jez ended up stopping cos Jez wanted a drink so obviously couldn’t drive home, so the fun continued Sunday morning! Mum had arranged with me to take Abigail to see Bob’s grandkids and then go out for some dinner so we all decided we’d take the opportunity to go out for some dinner too! It was really nice again, and we continued to have a laugh! I’m really enjoying the fact that we’ve got lots of plans just lately and I’m seeing more of Jodie than I have for a while. I don’t know if it’s just the fact that I’ve got this new man in my life, or with it being lighter at nights and the weather (sometimes) being fairly decent, but I feel loads happier and have more energy than I’ve had for ages! Even Sue said she’s noticed a difference in me, she says I look really well and I’ve got a sparkle in my eye!

 

He came round again last night to watch the football, we got some drinks in and Abigail was all ready in her full Liverpool kit! She actually learned last night that a football match has two halves cos I normally send her to bed at half time cos of school, but she’s off this week so I let her stay up! We settled down to watch the match and what a match it was! Went on the full range of emotions, as I always do with Liverpool’s European games! I have to say Arsenal played us off the park for the most of the first half, but I think we started believing again after Sami Hyypia’s astounding header! Then Torres scored another blinder and I thought we were fairly safe at that, but no, in another twist Theo Walcott made an amazing run from one end of the pitch to another and Arsenal equalised, meaning they’d go through on the away goal. Until, Toure brought Babel down at the other end and Stevie G buried the penalty, then just to finish it of Rafa brought Babel on and he made a stunning run to score again. Meaning the score was 4-2 on the night and 5-3 on aggregate. That means we’ve set up yet another Champions League Semi Final with Chelsea for the third time in 4 years!! Not too worried about them like, we won both of the last two!! I’ve been reading the press today and I’m sick of hearing how ‘lucky’ Liverpool were, and how it wasn’t a penalty but the one Arsenal didn’t get last week should have been… blah blah blah, at the end of the day, the penalty was awarded this week, it wasn’t last, and Liverpool won on the night… no amount of moaning and complaining about the ‘injustice’ is going to change that! Keep hearing how ‘lucky’ Liverpool are in Europe… surely their European record for the past 4 years speaks for itself…? Here’s some pictures from another amazing night at Anfield….

 

 <— Babel after scoring 

 

 <— The amazing fans

 

 <—- Torres burying his goal

 

 <—- Sami Hyypia after his goal

 

I’m hoping for more progression with my Psychologist lady tomorrow… Then I’m off work Friday and Monday cos Abigail’s off school so looking forward to spending some time with her! I’m going to move all the furniture round in my bedroom tonight cos I’m in the mood for a good fettle and clean up!

 

See ya soon guys n gals XxXxX

 

Breakthrough

I’ve just had what feels like a MASSIVE breakthrough with me Psychologist Lady.  

I’d planned to speak to her about the new fella and my behaviour towards him Friday night and all that, and we did discuss that for a while. I explained that I’d had too much to drink Friday because I’d felt nervous and ended up nearly sabotaging anything I could potentially have with him. And that the fact that he’d pulled me up on it, had forced me to re-evaluate my thinking about things. I said to her, I’m not sure how much of it has come from him, and how I feel about him making me want to make a change, and how much of it is about the fact that I’d been talking to her about my past and feelings and that’s made me want to change. She thinks that it might be a combination of the two, like if I hadn’t been talking to her I might not have done it, but a lot of time, when people change it’s cos they find someone to change with. And because it had scared me, that I nearly ruined everything, that’s made me want to change and made me want to make it work and if that means changing the way I think, then that’s what’s got to happen. It’s not like my old way of thinking was turning out well for me was it? She asked if I felt that I could let him in, and see my vulnerable side, and I think I could. Don’t get me wrong it’d be a gradual thing and it will have to be taken at my pace, but potentially, yes, and anyone who knows me, will know how unlike me it is, to say something like that! I never thought my way of thinking could be changed in the space of a week… And I’m not saying I’m cured and that, but at least it’s a step in the right direction! 

Anyway, that wasn’t the breakthrough… In talking about that, we were discussing my not letting myself show any vulnerability and being so defensive all the time and whether it stemmed from the reason why I find myself needing to talk to a psychologist. I think I might have mentioned in the past that I’ve been having difficulty in telling her in detail what happened to me, and I’ve really worked myself up about it. But today, just out of the blue, I explained some of the details of the event!! I’m so overwhelmed at the minute… I know it must be hard for you to grasp the concept of how massive this is for me, cos you probably haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about, but believe me… IT IS! I’ve worried for so long about how I’d explain it, what words I’d used, if I’d be emotional enough and it just came out today! I’ve not explained it all, or said it all out loud, but there’s time for that! I really feel like I’m starting to move forward with it all now, and maybe get to a point where I accept things a little better! I feel fab!!

 Things are still good on the new fella side of things… I’ve not seen him since Monday morning cos he’s on nights this week, but he’s rung me a couple of times and we’re still going to the zoo on Saturday. He’s coming to my house straight from work Friday night and I properly can’t wait to see him!! I’m very excited!! Lol!! 

See ya XxXxX

Ain’t Life Ace??

It seems ages since I blogged again, but it was only just over a week ago! A lot has happened again though..  Shocking ay?

I’m still not sure if I’m getting the brush off from the bloke I went out with the other week. The texts are very sporadic. But I’m not bothered about him any more, after he came round last Tuesday and said a couple of things that were really disrespectful and upset me quite a bit! I decided I weren’t putting myself through that again, not after everything what I went through with twathoop! 

On the plus side though, I went round to an old friend of mines last Saturday, it was her daughter’s birthday party (she’s in the same class as Abigail) and it was really great to catch up! It’s weird that we aren’t closer really because we have a lot in common. Anyway, while we were then, one of her boyfriend’s mates came round. He must have said something to Sarah cos she asked me if I liked him and wanted to go out with him or something! It was quite funny really cos it was like being back and school ‘my friend fancies your friend’ sort of thing! I said I didn’t know, cos I didn’t really know him, so Sarah said that him a couple of other friends were going round to her house that night for a drink and that and I ought to go down, so I did! Abigail and Katy were playing lovely and I spent most of the night in the kitchen, talking to Ste. We did get on really well and he asked me if I wanted to go out with them all the following day to watch the Liverpool v Man Utd match (don’t even get me started on that result… Grrr!!) so again we did. I was still very confused at this point as to what was happening with the other bloke so I didn’t know what to do for the best… Then after Tuesday with the other one being so disrespectful to me, that more or less made my decision for me. I was supposed to be going out with work Friday night, but it got cancelled, so I arranged with Ste for us to go out for a meal to Frankie & Benny’s. Abigail was stopping at mum’s and cos I was quite nervous I decided to have a drink or two to settle my nerves, then I had a couple more drinks when I got there, then a Bailey’s cocktail… I was already feeling rather drunk at this point, so what did I decide was the best plan when we got back to Sarah’s… Carry on drinking of course!! I was properly wasted by the time I went home… Ste walked me home and apparently I was being dead nasty to him! I can’t remember doing it though, we got back to mine and just to top the night off, I threw up!!! He cleaned me up and spent the night, but he didn’t try and take advantage or anything! He just made sure I was all right! So I woke up Saturday morning and felt rough as f**k! I was properly mortified with my behaviour…! He was fine with me though and we arranged to go out with Sarah and her fella and Jodie and Jez Saturday night, down Chesterfield. We had a fab night, us girlies went our way and the lads went theirs. We met up with them in one pub and I went to talk to Ste and he was a bit funny with me, so I asked what was wrong and he said I’d upset him by being nasty the night before, so I said I couldn’t remember what I’d said or anything but I was sorry, he said that I was too defensive (which I am) and it was like I was trying to push him away! Which, to be fair is what I do… I’ve done it in the past and it’s very likely that that is what I was doing Friday night. I’ve always pushed everyone away, because that way they don’t get too close and I don’t get hurt (in theory anyway)! So we had a bit of a conversation about it and I said I was bang out of order, and I’d really try to stop it. He came home with me from Chesterfield, and after we’d been home about an hour or so Jodie rung to see if her and Jez could stop at mine… so they came round as well! We had a right laugh, decided to order pizza at 2 in the morning!! Ace!

Sunday, me, Ste and Abigail went out to Chesterfield for some dinner, there was a lovely pond near the place we went to, so we took Abigail to have a look and feed the ducks! It was just lovely. Normally I don’t like to take Abigail out with anyone that I’m seeing, but it was only lunch and she loved it!

I spoke to Sue Sunday, and even she said ‘whats up with you letting ya guard down’. So I told her about what he’d said to me about being so defensive and that and she said ‘Good, that’s what you need, someone to pull ya up on it’! And I think she might be right, but I’m going to talk to my Psychologist lady about it when I go on Thursday! Its weird cos I really like him ( I know I said that about the bloke before, but I was slightly deluded then!) and he’s text me a lot and normally that puts me off, but it hasn’t this time. I want him to text me. Plus, I saw him every day over the weekend, but he’s on nights this week, so I won’t see him til Friday (cos by the time I get in from work, he’s gone to work) and I’m missing him… is that a bit odd?? I don’t know, but it can only be a good sign really can’t it! We’re going out Saturday to the zoo!! I’m very excited about that! 

But, of course, you know that if I’ve had some good news and enjoyed myself slightly then it’s got to be balanced out by some shit! This, came in the form of mum & Leanne, for a change! All hell broke lose Sunday, I’m not gonna go into all the details cos I’ve waffled on for ages anyway, but basically, she refused to come to my house as was planned and mum didn’t want her at home. Dad came round and was trying to talk some sense into her, but she was going to phone the police on all of us (??!?!) and then she attacked me & Dad, like properly, physically attacked us! Ace or what?? Now, for those of you that know Leanne, ya know she’s a big girl and I think in a fight, she’d probably do me! It was well scary! We did manage to calm her down eventually and social services got her a place a Yew Trees for the night! But I really don’t know what to do with the whole situation now. She’s supposed to be coming to me Wednesday and Thursday night this week, but mum’s asked me if I can have her Saturday night instead, but I really don’t want to! Is that really selfish of me? It’s just that if we’re going out all day and that… ya know?? I feel guilty for not wanting to have her though! It pissed me off as well at the weekend, cos I’d been having such a good time and felt like I was actually 23 not about 53 then I got the phone call and I had to go and spend all afternoon sat at my mum’s cos they couldn’t be left alone together… And again, it probably sounds dead selfish, but what about my life ya know? I needed to get ironing done, and have a bath and get Abigail sorted and get everything ready for work but instead it was 9 pm when I got home! 

I’ll shut up now… I’ve probably bored everyone shitless!!!XxXxX