29 weeks and 3 days pregnant – oh and a fire!

I know, I know, so much at being better at keeping the blog up to date! That really hasn’t panned out well at all has it? We’ve been really busy though, with work and trying to organise for baby’s impending arrival!

 

So, I’m now 29 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I’ve got quite a sizeable bump now I think, bigger than I was when I was this stage and carrying Abigail, although, they do say you tend to show more with your second and subsequent children. Things haven’t been all smooth running (of course) I ended up back in hospital a few weeks ago, and had to spend a few days in because the Dr’s thought I was going into labour. Fortunately everything settled down, and on the plus side, they did scan me again so we got to have another look at him! He’s really grown, it was when I was 26 weeks at that point, and they calculated his weight from the scan and he was 2 lb 7! How tiny is that? But it’s a good average weight apparently and they were really happy with his progress! But, since then, things haven’t been too bad, I’ve been very tired and quite achy but that’s to be expected. I had my Glucose Tolerance Test last week and thankfully I’ve not got pregnancy diabetes this time. So I think my consultant was right when he said the reason my blood sugars were high when I was having Abigail was due to the fact that they were giving me steroids to boost her lungs, because of the risk of her arriving early. However, I saw my midwife last week, she took some routine bloods and I’m rather anaemic now (which would explain some of the tiredness anyway). I’ve got to go for another blood test on Wednesday and I’m now taking 3 iron tablets a day! I can live with that though, if I had a choice between the anaemia and the diabetes I think I’d chose the anaemia to be honest!

 

We’ve actually started doing the nursery now too, I think both me & Ste realised that we hadn’t got as much time as we thought (with Christmas and everything coming up too) so we’re cracking on as much as we can now. It’s difficult trying to fit things in between me being at work and Ste’s shifts. But we’ve done the under coat of paint in the nursery and the other coat will be done by the end of this week. The new carpet is coming next Thursday and we went up to Babies r us the other week and bought all the curtains, light fittings, rug, bedding etc so as soon as the carpet is down we’ll get all that done. Then we just need to order the cot, which we’re doing at the end of the month. So, we are sort of getting somewhere now!

 

I’ve only got 3 weeks left at work now too, which is really great because it’s really tiring me out! Lol! I don’t know what I would have done if I was still working full time! I actually finish on 25^th November because I’ve had quite a bit of leave to take, so as well as finishing in 3 weeks, I’m also only doing 2 days a week for the remaining weeks! Lol!

 

Just want to say a huge Congratulations to my friend Jodie and her hubby on the birth of their daughter at the end of October – Baby Brooke May, she was only 5 lb 7 – how tiny is that! Seeing her and watching Jodie with her has made me want to meet my little man even more!

 

I think that’s enough about pregnancy and baby for now, I know I’ve rambled on a bit, but it’s such a big part of our lives it’s hard not to talk about it. Having said that, I’ve not really got much else to say! Lol! It was Halloween last week, which Abigail loved, I took her trick or treating with Ste’s sister, she dressed up as a Princess (she didn’t want to be anything too scary!) and we took them around friends and family’s house, they did quite well, got about £8 cash and LOADS of sweeties! Oh, guess what… our oven set on fire a fortnight ago… and I mean literally on fire! We had to have the fire brigade out and everything! Very scary! Apparently it just over heated but there were flames and the lot! Me and Abigail were upstairs, I’d just got out of the bath and Abigail was just getting in, so neither of us had many clothes on and I shouted to Ste is something burning (bearing in mind we’d got a pizza in the oven, but the oven had only been on 10 minutes and it wasn’t on very high or anything) and Ste checked and there were flames in the oven! Me and Abigail made a quick escape to Sue’s (where Abigail had to borrow some of Max’s pj’s cos she’d only got her dressing gown on) and we rung the fire brigade. Andy went up to help Ste and fortunately, between them they managed to get it under control after turning the gas and electric off. But still quite scary! So that was a bit of excitement for the whole street when there were 2 fire engines on the street. Abigail was quite excited too, she kept saying Andy and Ste were superheroes! Bless… it’s a good job she didn’t realise how bad it actually was, cos I think she’d had been scared every time we turned the oven on! Luckily, other than the obvious damage to the oven, there was nothing else affected in the kitchen, which I was really surprised about after how much smoke there was! So we’ve got a new oven and everything is back to normal – touch wood!

 

I’ll leave it at that for now, I’ll hopefully do another post from home soon and upload some pictures, but I’m changing my internet supplier at the minute and just waiting for that to be done. But as soon as it is, I’ll be back – Famous last words ay? XxXxX

Where Do I Start?

Where do I start? It’s been AGES hasn’t it? And let me tell you… Quite a lot has happened….

 

I’m not working any more for one… It’s a really long and convoluted story and I can’t really be arsed to go into it all to be honest. Basically there was some trouble with some of the other girls that I work with, it all got rather out of hand… So I left. Which, may seem a bit drastic, but it was all for the best. Me & Ste are financially stable enough on his wages to survive and we’d talked about me getting something part time anyway. I’ll still get a maternity allowance which works out at £117 per week for a maximum of 39 weeks which is better than nothing!! It’s a bit weird adjusting to being at home all day, but it’s nice cos I’m getting to spend loads of time with Abigail (especially now she’s broke up for 6 weeks) and I’ve been spending loads of time with Carly and her two boys two which has also been ace!! On the plus side, I’ve got an interview next week for a part time secretary post, 20 hours a week and someone’s rung me today about an admin job with Derby Police which sounds really good so fingers cross summat will come along soon!

 

On the baby front… I’m now 14 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I had my dating scan last week. That was really lovely, Abigail and Ste both came and it was amazing. We could see the baby jumping about and putting its hands on its knees! They’ve booked my detailed scan for 8^th September, when we’ll hopefully be able to find out what it is. I went to see the Consultant for the first time on Monday and I came away really reassured. He explained that when I had Abigail, they checked my blood sugar levels at 28 weeks as routine and everything was fine so he couldn’t understand why I’d suffered with the gestational diabetes. So he checked through all the notes from when I was actually admitted to hospital and it turns out that the diabetes starting coincided with when they started giving me steroid injections to boost Abigail’s lungs (in case she was born early) and that would be what caused my blood sugar to spike! So he’s confident that I shouldn’t suffer with the diabetes again. I’m booked in for a Glucose Tolerance Test at 28 weeks though, cos it’s better to be safe than sorry. The Dr also said it’s very, very unlikely that I’d have the low lying placenta problem that I had with Abigail, and I’d be very unlucky to get it again! So I’ve got to go back and see him again at 24 weeks after my detailed scan to make sure that everything is where it should be, and if itg is, which fingers crossed it will be, then I’ll be ok to have a natural birth, I’d just have to go and see the Dr again at 36 weeks to discuss the birth and the complications associated with having a natural birth after having a caesarean! So… I’m very optimistic that things will run a lot smoother this time… Or at least, more smoothly than when I had Abigail. I’m feeling much more relaxed now I’m past the 12 week mark, but I’ll feel even better when I’ve had my blood tests done for the Downs screening next week!!! I’m a lot less tired now (well, some days anyway) and after 4 weeks where I was sick, all day, every day and lost over a stone in weight, I’ve now got a little bit of my appetite back and I seem to have stopped being sick (touch wood)!  I’m starting to notice the physical changes now too… It’s not overly obvious that I’m pregnant yet to the outside world, sometimes, depending on what I’m wearing you can see a little bit of a bump though! Which, is quite exciting, and my stomach is hard now too.

 

I’ve got loads more to fill you in on, but I can’t really be bothered now! Lol! I’ll save that for another time… Here are some random pics though…. Including one of Baby Geraghty at 7 weeks… I’ve lost my dongle thing again so I can’t upload the scan pictures from last week but I’ll get them uploaded as soon as I find it!

 

See Ya XxXxX

 

 

 

Hmm… Relationships are more difficult than they look!!

Hi Guys… It’s been a while again hasn’t it… It’s all this having a life malarkey, I’m too busy to blog! What’s that all about!

 

Life in general is still… wait for it… good! I’m not saying I’ve been persistently happy since I last blogged cos there’s been a couple of ‘blips’ but overall I feel great!

 

Me & Ste (new fella has a name you see) are still seeing each other. We are now officially a ‘couple’ apparently… We had this discussion the other week, cos we’d been seeing each other a month and I think we both felt it was time to sort of define what was happening. Cos we’ve spent so much time together, you can’t really say we’re just casually going out and that. So we both agreed that we were ‘together’ properly, in that we’re not seeing other people (which is great to be clear on after the twathoop saga)! It’s crazy how soon you get used to having someone in your life though, my whole way of thinking has changed really, I’ve now got to consider someone else when I’m making my decisions (obviously I’m used to this with Abigail, but it’s a different thing really). Also, normally I’m a fiercely independent person, and I love having my own space, but he’s been staying at my house over the weekends (when he’s not been working) and it’s really hard to get used to him not being there in the week!! So all in all things are good there… I’m not gonna sit here and say after 6 weeks that we’re in love and never gonna split up and all that, cos that’d just be crazy! But I think things are as good as they can be for this early on! The sheer fact that I’m not bored is a good sign!! As anyone that knows me will appreciate! Lol!!

 

We’ve had a couple of ‘moments’ though, we had our first ‘proper’ argument on Saturday! We’d made plans to spend the day together, but then I remembered that I was supposed to be taking Abigail to my little cousins birthday party 2 – 4 pm. So I said to him why don’t  you go to the Club (cos some of his mates were in watching the football) while I go to the party, then I’ll pick you up and we’ll go out for some tea, so we agreed on that. I rang him when I was leaving the party, he was fine, said he’d be ready. I got to the club and he got in the car, and I could tell he’d had more than a couple of pints straight away, and he’d got arse on cos he’d ‘had’ to come out the club! So we set off in the car, and he’s winding me up more and more with little comments about how he wished he could’ve stayed and all this, til I lost it and just said do ya wanna go back then? So he said yes! I couldn’t believe it, we’d made plans and he was changing them to go to the shocking club! I was driving his car, and I cos I was quite annoyed, I was driving like a crazy lady! So then he starts saying in the car ‘oh I tell ya what I’ll never see my friends again’! I really don’t think I’d said that, in fact I’m fairly sure it was me that suggested he go to the club in the first place! Anyway, he wanted me to drop him off at the club, but I was that angry at this point that as he went to get out the car at the club, I put foot down and parked up at my house so he had to walk (no big hardship as the club is literally a stones throw from my house but still)! And he stomped off to the club! It’s quite funny when I think about it now, but it wasn’t at the time! We did make friends later on, he came round to my house at 7 pm cos we’d got plans for my sister to come round for a takeaway! He was quite drunk though, so we couldn’t really talk about it properly that night, he went to work from my house Sunday Morning, and he rung me when he got there and apologised properly, he said he’s realised that I didn’t actually do anything wrong Saturday afternoon and that it was him that was out of order (which I knew anyway!)! It was only something little though, and I suppose it’s normal for people to argue, I think it’d probably be a bit strange if we didn’t really don’t ya think? 

 

The biggest thing at the minute though is his ex. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned what happened, but they’d been sort of split up since Christmas and she was staying in Liverpool (which is where she’s from), then they were gonna give it another go and she came back up for a bit but he found out that she’d been seeing someone else for about 4 months! The day after I met Ste, she came up to the village, loaded all the furniture from their house into a van and took it to Liverpool (I might just add that it was all Ste’s furniture that he bought and paid for!) Anyway, I think now she’s realised that she’s made a mistake and is now regretting it, cos she’s been sending him messages from her kids (their not his!) pulling on his heart strings, and then she sent him one last week saying can you tell your girlfriend to stop texting me…! I hadn’t text her, she was just making out! She told him I’d told her that me & Ste had been together 4 months.. why would I lie about that?? I didn’t even know him 7 weeks ago!!! Then she text him 10 times last Friday saying that I’d rung her! I haven’t even got her number!!! Fortunately it didn’t cause any trouble, but potentially it could’ve. Then last week she text him saying she still loved him!!! Ace or what? Anyway this has really bothered me over the last week or so, which I think it would any woman, or am I wrong in thinking that? You tell me ladies, if you was in a new relationship, and the fella’s ex was texting him anything up to 10 times a day, saying she still loved him and she was remembering the good times they had, oh and the other classic was when she text him and told him to listen to Leona Lewis new song Footprints in the Sand cos it made her think of them two together…Would that bother you? It’s made me feel quite insecure, and has caused a bit of bad feeling between me and Ste, cos I’ve been quite arsey about little things, cos I’ve got it into my head that she’s gonna get to him, and he’s gonna go back and I’ll be the one left on my own for a change!

 

We have sorted that out now, I spent a lot of time thinking yesterday, and I came to the conclusion, that me being all insecure and slightly crazy is not helping the situation at all! In fact it’s more likely to send him packing! It don’t help that I’m struggling with my other shit at the minute, I’ve not been sleeping and the ‘anniversary’ is coming up in 3 weeks again! And so called friends are getting involved and causing trouble!

So I made a decision to not let my usual insecurities ruin something that could potentially be quite good! And last night when he came round last night, we had an ace night and it was dead relaxed and we had a laugh, and it was how it was last week, before I started letting everything get to me! Plus she’s not text him since the weekend, which has eased my mind a little!

 

Anyway… I’ve waffled on a bit now! Looking forward to the Liverpool v Chelsea match tonight, think it might be a bit of a nail biter though! I really hope we can beat them! We’re going out to watch it cos it’s on Sky, so it should be good, Abigail’s sleeping at mum’s so I get a night off!

 

See ya Soon XxXxX

Ain’t Life Ace??

It seems ages since I blogged again, but it was only just over a week ago! A lot has happened again though..  Shocking ay?

I’m still not sure if I’m getting the brush off from the bloke I went out with the other week. The texts are very sporadic. But I’m not bothered about him any more, after he came round last Tuesday and said a couple of things that were really disrespectful and upset me quite a bit! I decided I weren’t putting myself through that again, not after everything what I went through with twathoop! 

On the plus side though, I went round to an old friend of mines last Saturday, it was her daughter’s birthday party (she’s in the same class as Abigail) and it was really great to catch up! It’s weird that we aren’t closer really because we have a lot in common. Anyway, while we were then, one of her boyfriend’s mates came round. He must have said something to Sarah cos she asked me if I liked him and wanted to go out with him or something! It was quite funny really cos it was like being back and school ‘my friend fancies your friend’ sort of thing! I said I didn’t know, cos I didn’t really know him, so Sarah said that him a couple of other friends were going round to her house that night for a drink and that and I ought to go down, so I did! Abigail and Katy were playing lovely and I spent most of the night in the kitchen, talking to Ste. We did get on really well and he asked me if I wanted to go out with them all the following day to watch the Liverpool v Man Utd match (don’t even get me started on that result… Grrr!!) so again we did. I was still very confused at this point as to what was happening with the other bloke so I didn’t know what to do for the best… Then after Tuesday with the other one being so disrespectful to me, that more or less made my decision for me. I was supposed to be going out with work Friday night, but it got cancelled, so I arranged with Ste for us to go out for a meal to Frankie & Benny’s. Abigail was stopping at mum’s and cos I was quite nervous I decided to have a drink or two to settle my nerves, then I had a couple more drinks when I got there, then a Bailey’s cocktail… I was already feeling rather drunk at this point, so what did I decide was the best plan when we got back to Sarah’s… Carry on drinking of course!! I was properly wasted by the time I went home… Ste walked me home and apparently I was being dead nasty to him! I can’t remember doing it though, we got back to mine and just to top the night off, I threw up!!! He cleaned me up and spent the night, but he didn’t try and take advantage or anything! He just made sure I was all right! So I woke up Saturday morning and felt rough as f**k! I was properly mortified with my behaviour…! He was fine with me though and we arranged to go out with Sarah and her fella and Jodie and Jez Saturday night, down Chesterfield. We had a fab night, us girlies went our way and the lads went theirs. We met up with them in one pub and I went to talk to Ste and he was a bit funny with me, so I asked what was wrong and he said I’d upset him by being nasty the night before, so I said I couldn’t remember what I’d said or anything but I was sorry, he said that I was too defensive (which I am) and it was like I was trying to push him away! Which, to be fair is what I do… I’ve done it in the past and it’s very likely that that is what I was doing Friday night. I’ve always pushed everyone away, because that way they don’t get too close and I don’t get hurt (in theory anyway)! So we had a bit of a conversation about it and I said I was bang out of order, and I’d really try to stop it. He came home with me from Chesterfield, and after we’d been home about an hour or so Jodie rung to see if her and Jez could stop at mine… so they came round as well! We had a right laugh, decided to order pizza at 2 in the morning!! Ace!

Sunday, me, Ste and Abigail went out to Chesterfield for some dinner, there was a lovely pond near the place we went to, so we took Abigail to have a look and feed the ducks! It was just lovely. Normally I don’t like to take Abigail out with anyone that I’m seeing, but it was only lunch and she loved it!

I spoke to Sue Sunday, and even she said ‘whats up with you letting ya guard down’. So I told her about what he’d said to me about being so defensive and that and she said ‘Good, that’s what you need, someone to pull ya up on it’! And I think she might be right, but I’m going to talk to my Psychologist lady about it when I go on Thursday! Its weird cos I really like him ( I know I said that about the bloke before, but I was slightly deluded then!) and he’s text me a lot and normally that puts me off, but it hasn’t this time. I want him to text me. Plus, I saw him every day over the weekend, but he’s on nights this week, so I won’t see him til Friday (cos by the time I get in from work, he’s gone to work) and I’m missing him… is that a bit odd?? I don’t know, but it can only be a good sign really can’t it! We’re going out Saturday to the zoo!! I’m very excited about that! 

But, of course, you know that if I’ve had some good news and enjoyed myself slightly then it’s got to be balanced out by some shit! This, came in the form of mum & Leanne, for a change! All hell broke lose Sunday, I’m not gonna go into all the details cos I’ve waffled on for ages anyway, but basically, she refused to come to my house as was planned and mum didn’t want her at home. Dad came round and was trying to talk some sense into her, but she was going to phone the police on all of us (??!?!) and then she attacked me & Dad, like properly, physically attacked us! Ace or what?? Now, for those of you that know Leanne, ya know she’s a big girl and I think in a fight, she’d probably do me! It was well scary! We did manage to calm her down eventually and social services got her a place a Yew Trees for the night! But I really don’t know what to do with the whole situation now. She’s supposed to be coming to me Wednesday and Thursday night this week, but mum’s asked me if I can have her Saturday night instead, but I really don’t want to! Is that really selfish of me? It’s just that if we’re going out all day and that… ya know?? I feel guilty for not wanting to have her though! It pissed me off as well at the weekend, cos I’d been having such a good time and felt like I was actually 23 not about 53 then I got the phone call and I had to go and spend all afternoon sat at my mum’s cos they couldn’t be left alone together… And again, it probably sounds dead selfish, but what about my life ya know? I needed to get ironing done, and have a bath and get Abigail sorted and get everything ready for work but instead it was 9 pm when I got home! 

I’ll shut up now… I’ve probably bored everyone shitless!!!XxXxX

Knew It Was Too Good To Be True!

Well… I should have known the happiness would never last! This is MY life after all! 

I had a phone call from the Queens Medical Centre at Nottingham today. My brother’s been readmitted, this time to a medical ward. Apparently his liver/lungs are failing and that’s just what the nurse could tell me on the phone! The reason she rang though was because he was discharging himself and wanted to know if there was anything I could do to stop him. I said I’d go to the hospital but it’d take me 40 minutes to drive there, and she said he was leaving the ward as we spoke so I’m not sure what else I can do?? I don’t know where he’s staying or anything…! It’s heartbreaking to know that he’s out there, obviously in a lot of pain and I can’t help him! 

Then this afternoon, went to Mum’s to see if we couldn’t sort the Leanne situation out a bit more. I’ve ended up with Leanne staying with me 2, if not 3 nights a week for the next month, now this might sound selfish, but that feels like a lot to me, when I still have to bring Abigail up and work full time? It doesn’t help that Mum sat there afterwards and said ‘I haven’t done bad next week’ dead smug, cos Leanne’s coming to me 3 nights, dad’s one night and spending one night at Yew Trees so she’s only at home two nights! The Dr’s decided yesterday that her foot isn’t broke after all, so at least she’s not in plaster I suppose! 

I had a lovely lunch with Chelle and Oliver today though. Even if it was a bit of a farce to start with! We didn’t really count on everywhere being so busy seeing as it’s Good Friday! We tried the King & Miller, but the staff were less than helpful there! Oliver was in his pram and the man trying to get us a table looked at us like we were aliens when we said Oliver was staying in the pram…Where else is he supposed to go like? Then we went to Pizza Hut and that was rammed, so we decided to go through McDonalds Drive thru and sat in the car and eat it! Don’t say we don’t know how to live the high life!!! It was nice though, cos me & Chelle had a chance to catch up and it was great to see Oliver, I can’t believe how much he’s grown!! He’s gorgeous and such a happy lil chappy!! We’ve arranged to hopefully have lunch properly when Abigail’s on half term, cos I’ve got some leave booked so looking forward to that!! 

Don’t think things are looking too well on the date front… I think I might be getting the brush off, the texts have become less frequent and when I suggested doing something next week he said I’ll have to see what I’ve got on cos I’m busy… Yeah I can take a hint! Knew it was too good to be true… So apparently I CAN stop smiling after all… How silly of me to think any different!

Can’t stop smiling!

Hi again guys! Two blogs in a week…  I better be steady ay!! 

I’m sooooo glad it’s bank holiday this weekend, I really feel like it’s been none stop for I don’t know how long and I’m so ready for 4 days to chill out and do what I want to do in my own time! Not really got anything exciting planned… Although we have made plans to see Chelle & Baby Oliver, which I’m REALLY looking forward to! I haven’t seen them since my birthday and that’s ages ago! Abigail’s very excited to see Baby Oliver too!!  The date went really well… We went to Gunthorpe Bridge and had some tea, and it was really nice. We got on very well and I think I like him. He came over to my house the night after as well and we had a nice quiet night in, which also went well. So, so far all the signs are good! We haven’t arranged to see each other again yet, but we’ve been texting everyday so that’s a good sign isn’t it? I’m not getting too carried away with anything and I’m just going to take it as it comes, but I’ve felt really happy over the last few days and I’ve haven’t stopped smiling yet!  

My cousin came over last night with her kids and we had a good old natter! It was great to catch up again and I was filling her in on all the stuff that had happened with Leanne. She’d even bought me a BIG Dairy Milk Easter Egg to cheer me up! How nice is that! It was a late one though, cos they didn’t leave my house til gone ten! So I’m knackered today cos I’ve had late nights every night this week! That’s another reason I’m really glad I’ve got an extra 2 days off work! I might get a lie in!!! Lol!! 

Things with Leanne are still a bit up in the air! After Monday’s escapades she decided that she might like to try coming to stay with me a couple of days in the week as well as alternate weekends so she’s away from Mum for even longer. I’m not sure what we’re doing with that yet though, cos she only got back from Yew Trees yesterday, so me, mum and Leanne are going to sit down for an hour tomorrow to discuss some dates and that to see where we go from here! But, in the mean time, last Wednesday I took Leanne to A & E cos she’d fallen a few days previously and her foot. She had it x-rayed and the Dr assured us it was just a sprain, then on Monday A & E rang mum and said they’ve reviewed the x-ray again and found a little break! So she’s got to come back to Clinic this morning! God I hope she doesn’t have to have it in plaster!!! 

That’ll do I think! See Ya Soon… Happy Easter Everyone!  

Some good stuff… some bad… Suppose it’s better than ALL bad!

Well, it’s been a while again hasn’t it. I just had time to update, between work, Abigail, my sister and just life in general, I feel like I’ve been non-stop for a few weeks now.

 Things are well in general. Which makes a surprising change for me. I’ve had a much brighter, more positive look on life in general for the first time this year. 

It’s not all been good stuff though. My mum & youngest sister have been fighting a lot recently that culminated in a massive blow out a week past Friday emergency social services were called and Leanne was taken in to respite for the weekend. She then came home on the Sunday morning and within a few hours things were as bad as ever again. So much so, that on Monday morning, social services decided that Leanne couldn’t stay with my mum and took her back to respite for a week! I got really upset when I found out, I felt like Mum was writing her off and giving her up without fighting, because my worry was, that social services obviously aren’t going to continue with that pattern where they’re being called in every other day or whatever and I really thought they would make the decision to remove Leanne from Mum’s care all together and we’d lose her you know? Game over.

So with that in mind, I decided to get Mum, Dad me and Carly to sit down together and discuss all the options as a family and see if we couldn’t sort something out between us, and try and find a solution, before social services gave us their solution. After some protests from my mum, to the tune of ‘I don’t know what you think that will achieve’ (cos what she’s been doing was clearly achieving so much!). It was quite emotional when we all talked about it, cos I got really upset and frustrated that no one seemed willing to try anything! I suggested that Leanne come and live with me, for the 5 months until she goes to college. I’d put a lot of thought into it, and while it would’ve meant some sacrifice on my part, I was sure I could do it. I wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise. But mum shouted that idea down straight away. She reckoned at first that she was worried for Abigail’s safety (I can hand on heart now say that there is no way that Leanne would hurt Abigail) and then she said she was worried about me and all this, but when I argued all them points with her, she came out with what her real problem was. Because Leanne is registered disabled, she gets certain amount of benefits every month, and mum gets like a carers allowance, and because she gets that she also gets her rent and council tax paid, if Leanne came to live with me, I’d get the carers allowance and so mum would have to go back to work and she wouldn’t get the rent and council tax paid! How wrong is that? So as a compromise, Dad suggested Leanne stay with me some of the time to ‘give my mum a break’ (as though she don’t get enough of a break with all the respite and that) which mum immediately agreed to (so, don’t that prove that she was never worried about me, or Abigail’s safety? Otherwise Leanne staying, even temporarily with me would be out of the question!) as long as I had her alternate weekends so mum could go out!?!? So that’s what we’re trying. Leanne stayed this weekend and everything was ok. I dropped her off at 8.15 am today and by 8.45 am mum was on the phone saying Leanne had kicked off… Mum had only got to have her until 10 am because she was going back to respite! Then mum got strop on with me, cos I didn’t know what to suggest to sort the problem out!! So we’ll see how things go… I can’t see that things are going to get any better though to be honest. No matter what I try! 

In good news, I went out Friday night… Had an AMAZING night (got a little bit too drunk cos Abigail was staying at mums!) and I met someone.. I don’t want to say too much, cos I don’t want to jinx it or anything, you all know what my track records is like! But, he’s taking me out again this week! I’m dead nervous, but in a good way!! Fingers crossed ay??

Ciao for now!   

Sometimes love just ain’t enough….

See, just when you thought I was getting better at updating… I’m not!! Lol!! 

I had a lovely week off around my birthday. It was so nice to spend so much time with Abigail and she really loved it too! It made such a refreshing change, I feel really guilty for leaving her while I go to work and I worry about the long term effects it will have on her, but what other choice have I got really? We didn’t do anything especially exciting, I had planned to take her on a couple of trips out to the zoo or something like that, but to be honest the weather wasn’t really up to it! So we’ll save that for her summer holidays, cos I’ve planned to have some time off while she’s off then as well! 

Then I had to come back to work though! It’s not that I don’t enjoy work, cos I’m loving it now, more than I’ve ever enjoyed a job before. I get on brilliantly with the two girls I sit with and it’s a laugh, but when you’ve had a week off it makes it hard to get up in the morning and come back! Things have been a little hectic at work just lately, cos there’s usually 2 people doing my job and at the moment there’s just little old me! Someone has been appointed though, and I’m in the process of training him up, so hopefully it won’t be long until he’s in post and things calm down a little! 

My bestest friend from when we were kids is having a baby! I’m soooo excited. I’ve known Jodie all my life and she did have some bad times in her teens and that, so to see her now, married, with her own house and now with a little baby on the way, it’s really nice. She’s asked me to be Godmother to little Baby Deakin when it’s born too, which is a HUGE honour, and of course I accepted! So I’ll be being a Godmother twice now, cos Carly’s asked me to be Godmother to her lil baby when he’s born too! How lucky am I? All these babies that I can cuddle and spoil, and most importantly, give back to their parents when they start crying!!!  

My mum’s foot is still strapped up, she went back to clinic and they’ve re-x-rayed it and it’s healing, just very slowly. So they’ve removed the pot and put this air boot thing on, that looks a bit like a moon boot! She’s starting Physio as well, but she’s also got to have a bone density scan cos they think she might have osteoporosis. Apparently cos she had a hysterectomy at a fairly young age, and has been on HRT since then, she’s more at risk to get osteoporosis! So that should be interesting…! 

The psychologist sessions are going well… I feel like I had a bit of a break through last week after going through a couple of weeks where I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere and I was feeling really defensive about it, but this week the walls seem to have come down a bit and I finally feel like I might be making progress. I am very conscious that they ‘anniversary’ is approaching (May) and it’ll be 10 years this year which feels like it’s a bit of a milestone. Hopefully with the counselling and that I’ll cope better this year than I did last. And also with a bit of luck, and the grace of God I might not have all the other shit to deal with like I did last year as well, which will probably help! 

Not much else to report really…! Nothing happening on the romantic side of my life… But there’s no surprise there then! I’m fed up of being single and on my own now! So if anyone knows any decent single fella’s…. point them in my direction!! Lol… No I’m serious!! 

It’s My Birthday!!

It’s my birthday!! Happy Birthday to me! I’m 23 today.. I feel a bit funny about turning 23, I just think it’s an in between sort of age! Anyway, I’ve had a lovely day… Got loads of cards and some lovely gifts… I got a ‘Mum’ bracelet from Abigail, some gorgeous earrings from Sue & Andy, A Next voucher from Carly, some money from work and some chocolates from Leanne… So all in all I’ve been a lucky girl again! 

I’m really enjoying my week off! Didn’t really do a lot yesterday had a chilling day in with Abigail. Then Ally came round last night, it was great to catch up with her. Hopefully we’ll be going over to Ally’s sometime soon, Abigail’s really desperate to see Colin and play with him! Lol!! 

Today, I went down to Mum’s this morning and had some cake and opened my cards and that, that were there. Then went to see Chelle. It was lovely to see her and catch up too. I can’t believe how much Oliver has grown! He’s GORGEOUS, and such a happy little chappy too! He was giggling and laughing with Abigail. It was lovely to see her too! I really am going to make more of an effort to keep in better touch with my closest friends. I know it’s not always either cos we’re all really busy with new babies, work, kids etc! But I didn’t realise how much I’d missed them all until I saw them and caught up and had a proper chat! With that in mind, I’m going to see Emma & Lee tomorrow and going to Jodie’s on Thursday! 

I’ve also got an Opticians appointment tomorrow, I have to have yearly checks now which I’ve never had to have before cos of how much my eyes had deteriorated, so I think they might have got worse again when I go tomorrow. We shall see though ay? 

I’ve then got my Psychologist appointment on Thursday. I think I said briefly in my last post about my dream that I’ve been having a tough time going recently. When I went a fortnight ago, I explained that I was feeling very defensive about going, and that while part of me did (and still does) want to resolve my ‘issues’ I felt like I was putting walls and barriers up, stopping myself from doing it. So we had a LONG discussion about that, which resulted in me having a very emotional breakdown but I couldn’t really understand why I was that upset, and then last week I was really reluctant to go, and I really struggled with getting across what I was trying to say. So I’m quite apprehensive about going on Thursday!  

Can’t believe Liverpool got knocked out of the FA cup by Barnsley at the weekend… not quite sure what that’s all about… the world’s on its arse if Liverpool can’t beat fecking Barnsley!! But, in better Liverpool news… They won tonight… 2 – 0 against Inter Milan who haven’t lost a game since last September! It’s only the first leg, but still it’s good to go to them with a lead and we haven’t conceded any away goals!! So that’s a bit better form..!! 

Anyway… that’s enough for now! Getting better at updating though ain’t I??

I’m all wireless… but am I a crap friend??

I’m not getting any better at this updating malarky am I?? 

Firstly, I want to apologise to all my friends… I’ve been a proper crap friend just lately! I’ve barely seen anyone for ages! I don’t know what’s been up with me, I’ve just been sort of stuck in a rut and I really didn’t feel like leaving the house, or making plans or anything. This isn’t an insult to them, I’m not saying I didn’t want to spend time with them, cos I love my proper friends to bits, I just didn’t want to spend time with ANYONE! I wouldn’t have been very good company anyway! So, like I said…. Sorry, I’ve been crap! But I promise I’m gonna be better now! I’m gonna try to catch up with everyone in this next week or so, which I’m really looking forward too! I know they’ve all had quite a lot on just lately as well! 

My cars all fixed and sorted now…! I didn’t have to pay the excess either cos the other woman has accepted full liability! I did end up with a hire car for nearly a fortnight! When they rung me to arrange it, they said I’d be getting something small, like my car.. they lied! They sent me a Grande Punto. I HATED it… It felt like driving a bus compared to my Micra! When they delivered it, it had next to no petrol in it, of course, so I went to try and fill it up and guess what… I couldn’t get in the fuel cap!! Grrr… I was well ragged off, stood in Tesco petrol station 10 minutes and I couldn’t get in! It was like summat out the matrix! Which, just fuelled my hatred of the car even further! Anyway, I just about got used to it in the end, but I was still glad to see it go on Saturday! That’s when I collected my car… I was soooo pleased to see it!!! Its bizarre really! But it was all nice and shiny outside and they’ve valeted it inside too!! I was well impressed!! 

That’s about the only bit of good news I’ve had though! Lol!

Mum’s still in pot! She’s back at clinic next week so we’ll find out then if she does need an op on it and what happens from there! I hope she gets sorted out soon, cos she’s doing my head in a bit to be honest! I know that sounds nasty, but she gets into these moods where she feels sorry for herself at the best of times… so you can imagine how she is now! She keeps moaning about Leanne, but she’s only been hat home one night a week (leanne I mean) cos she’s been at my Dad’s or the respite place every other night… so how can she moan about that…? Its that sort of thing that annoys me!  Works going really well. I’m getting on fantastically with the two women I sit with. We’ve become really close so we tell each other our problems and help each other out. Its nice, cos it makes work that bit more enjoyable! We have got a new person starting soon to do the same job as me, and he is a proper tithead (he already works in our office) so I don’t think that’s gonna be much fun! But we’ll see! 

I’ve been having some problems with my internet connection over the past couple of days… so I decided that now was as good a time as any to sort my wireless connection out!! I’ve had a right nightmare with it! I don’t know if I was just being female or what, but I couldn’t do it! So I rung someone more techie minded (thanks again for your help with that Nick… You’re a star!!) and after a 30 minute phone call finally got it up and running!! I’m thrilled with it!! It’s fantastic to be able to get online anywhere in the house!! Its fab!! 

Oooh… just a quick update on my brother, who has been discharged, but didn’t bother to let us know, so don’t know where he is now! And Drew’s Uncle, who got beat up. After it was touch and go for a while, he’s on the mend now, the Dr’s are astounded with his progress, he’s awake, breathing on his own and talking and he’s recognised everyone! So that’s another bit of good news!!

Anyway… enough rattling for now… See ya XxXxX