Quick Rant….

I’m annoyed today… Shocking I know. I’ve been invited to go on an overnight trip to Leeds for one of the women on the street’s 50^th Birthday, in June. This is to consist of a days shopping in Leeds then out in Leeds at night, staying over and returning on the Sunday. So I asked my mum last night if she’d have Abigail for the day/night. No, was the answer…. Why, because, my Dad MIGHT be able to have Leanne that night and therefore she MIGHT be going out. She is willing to have her if not, but since it’s the beginning of June when we’d be going, and Dad won’t know his shift pattern until then I can’t plan anything around ifs and maybes can I? I appreciate that when Leanne goes to Dad’s, Mum takes the opportunity to go out, but considering that she can also go out when Leanne’s at home – because she knows the Landlord of the local and he doesn’t mind mum taking Leanne with her (Leanne is nearly 17 when alls said and done), and Dad has Leanne 2,3 and sometimes 4 weekends a month I don’t think asking her to sacrifice 1 weekend is really a lot when you think that Abigail’s ‘Dad’ NEVER has her for any amount of time, let alone a whole weekend! One night is all I’m asking for… just a wee little break for me… but no! I’m being selfish. When you also take into consideration the fact that I asked her to have Abigail for the night in May when Andy’s in Magaluf and me & Sue are going to Nottingham and she said no for exactly the same reason, and I’ve made alternative plans… I am especially annoyed. She knows I have no other option, I can’t ask anyone else to look after Abigail for the day/night. Plus, get this, my Dad’s having Leanne for the WEEK while mum and Bob fook off to Turkey… but noooo she never gets a break does she! I completely see where she’s coming from. Grr….

Still got toothache!

Well I’m back at work today…. Still with toothache (or no-toothache to be more precise!) And now I’ve got this really unpleasant taste/smell coming from the hole so I think, it might be infected, which would just about sum up my luck of late! I’ve told my manager about the interview and asked for a reference and he didn’t seem even slightly bothered – really makes ya feel appreciated don’t it! I wanted to tell my Line Manager today but she’s not in, so still got that joy to come! Made me even more determined to get the job though!

 My Washing Machine decided to pack in this weekend… Mint! It went all through the cycle but instead of unlocking when it finished, it just turned off and wouldn’t give me my washing back! So I’ve had washing at Mum’s and Sue’s in an attempt to get it all clean, dry and ironed for today – which miraculously I managed! The machine finally gave me the washing back when I kicked it and swore at it a few times! So I’ve got the washing machine repair people coming out on Wednesday. Mum has kindly agreed to go up while they’re there so I don’t need any time off work! Then this morning, I turned the bathroom light on, one of the bulbs went and caused the whole of the upstairs lighting to short out! Mint! I have managed to get the lights back on (How clever am I getting) But I’ve got to change the bathroom bulb when I get in… I have got a spare bulb from the pack I bought when the last bulb went so it’s just a case of swapping it over!! 

Not really done much this weekend. Managed to get the food shopping done Saturday, despite still being smacked off my teeth on Painkillers. I did have to go home on arriving at Morrisons though cos I realised that in my drugged up state I’d left the keys on the outside of the front door and not locked it… Big Whoops! At least I realised and went back before someone broke in though!  

Not seen anything of Twathoop, after he said Friday we’d sort something out for Saturday or Sunday night, I text him Saturday but he didn’t reply til 5 am Sunday morning (thanks then, weren’t asleep or owt) said he was sorry (déjà vu) but he’d fell asleep Saturday, then last night he went to a BBQ at his sisters, so didn’t see him then either. Oh well, suppose I shouldn’t be surprised really! I’m out all weekend this weekend, so we’ll see what happens… no doubt I’ll send him a few drunken texts. Friday night, going out with our Sue and everyone (although I have yet to find out who ‘everyone’ is) for one of the women on the street’s birthday! Then Saturday, it’s Jack’s birthday party in the afternoon and Emma’s doing a bbq/beer type thing for the adults at night… with all my crazy uncles/cousins so that should be a laugh! 

Anyway, best pretend to get some work done! Catch ya Later X x X x X

Smacked Off My Teeth

I apologise in advance if little or none of the following makes sense… I’m currently smacked off my teeth on painkillers….. 

I went to the Dentist yesterday and he said I needed the tooth out as I suspected…. So he did it there and then. I had to have the tooth x-rayed first and it showed that it was growing at a jaunty angle away from the rest of my teeth and into my gum so I would never have been pain free. So I had to have the anaesthetic injected and it felt like the needle went right down my frikking neck! So I return to the waiting room for about the ninetieth time and wait for the anaesthetic to take effect…. But it doesn’t! So I had to have another injection! Anyway eventually it did start working, and he yanked my tooth out so now I’m in slightly more pain than I was before (i.e. agony) but at least I know that in a few days it’ll be better and then….. fingers crossed…. They’ll be no more toothache! So I didn’t make it into work today after having no sleep and with my mouth still gushing blood. Fortunately, my mum offered to take Abigail to school so I went back to bed until 11 am – how lazy?? 

When I got home yesterday… feeling like shit clearly… twat hoops car is outside next door. Trust him to turn up when I look/feel like shit…. I saw him on the garden and I was quite surprised, cos he spoke to me…. He asked if I was alright to which I replied ‘No’ and somehow managed to explain that I’d had my tooth out which was made increasingly difficult by the fact that my face was so swollen and bruised it looked like I’d been beat up or something, and also blood gushing out of my mouth, while all the time making this choking sound – sexy huh! He’s text me today to see about coming round this weekend, originally it was to be tonight  but he’s training with the next door neighbour (which means I get to watch two sexy men work out, one of whom I happen to be sleeping with!) and I’m going to Sue’s. So after jokingly suggesting a less than enticing proposition involving him ‘popping round’ after training we said we’d sort something out for tomorrow or Sunday…. Maybe I’ll feel clearer about things with him when I’ve spent some time with him when at least one of us is sober!

I think I’m gonna pop down to Sue’s tonight… Don’t think I’ll be eating much Chinese or drinking to much wine (I’m still sworn off alcohol following my hideous behaviour at the weekend) but it’ll still be nice to chat to Sue! Also, I’ve got an interview for a job I applied for a few weeks ago. It’s still at the hospital but a different department. The job sounds very interesting and is more money than I’m on now sooooo…. Fingers crossed!

No More Thinking For Me

In light of recent events I’ve decided the best thing for me to do, is to stop thinking. I got so upset at work yesterday I ended up crying on my work mum! I hate crying in front of anyone, but yesterday everything just felt like it was getting on top of me! And I was just sat at my desk sobbing. In a way I’m glad I got it out though but it’s not the most professional behaviour is it really? My work mum and the other woman in our office were fantastic with me though, they listened to me moaning about it all (even though I probably wasn’t making that much sense) and basically said I should stop over thinking it and just do what I FEEL is best so I’m gonna play it by ear and see what happens!

 I’ve got to go to the Dentist this afternoon, I’ve been suffering all week with agonising tooth ache. Just before xmas I had my top left wisdom tooth out in an attempt to relieve the pressure on my bottom left wisdom tooth, but it seems it’s not worked. So I think I might have to have the bottom tooth took out. The Dentist told me last time that it’s a bigger job to take the bottom tooth out cos they have to drill your jaw or summat….. sounds like fun don’t it! 

Liverpool won 2 –0 against Middlesbrough last night…. so they’re back in third place. Two wonder goals from Stevie G! This means that if they win on Saturday they’ll definitely have their place in Europe next year! Then of course next Wednesday is the first leg of the Champions League Semi-Final against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, so that should be an interesting game! 

That’s all for today…. Catch ya Later X x X x X

Scattered Ramblings of my deluded mind…..

Why is it that when all is ok, I get bored and fed up, but then as soon as one thing happens, my life floats right back down the toilet again and I want everything to be ok again. I am sick of thinking, I’ve thought myself round in circles these past few days and I’m still no closer to feeling things are resolved. Following my ‘encounter’ with twathoop on Sunday I have taken some serious flack from friends and family, which I fully expected and deserve and rational thought tells me that they are all right…. However for some reason, that has not stopped me from wanting to see him again. I know in my mind, that he treat me like shit and doesn’t deserve to still be part of my life but like I said I want him. I’m frustrated at myself for feeling like this, this isn’t me, ordinarily once I’m done, I’m done but when he was talking to me Sunday and saying all those things to me I really didn’t care about everything he’d done, all that mattered was that he was there and he wanted to be with me. I went to see Jodie last night, I knew she’d been in a similar “relationship” before the relationship she’s in now. And she fully understood where I was coming from, so it was good to talk to someone that knew how I felt and why I can’t/won’t give him up! But, at the end of the day, neither she nor anyone else can make this decision for me (much as I would like it if someone did). I said to her last night, I wish I could just ‘flick a switch’ or something so he didn’t have these ‘hold’ over me and I wasn’t bothered about him. I can’t explain why he does make me feel this way, because when I’m not with him he doesn’t bother me, but it’s soooo intense when we’re together and I think it’s the intenseness that’s addictive. It’s so passionate and loving and like we’re the only two people in the world. But with the intense highs there has to be intense lows and I know that. I’m not going in blind to the whole situation. The worst thing that can happen is I end up getting hurt again, no one else, only me and to be perfectly honest there is nothing he can do to me that I haven’t been through and survived to live another day. Sooo, basically I still don’t know what I’m gonna do. I want to be able to say I’ll never see him again, but chances are I will. And when it all goes tits up (cos I’m under no illusions that sooner or later it will go tits up) I’ll be expecting all the ‘I told you so’s’ and I won’t want/need anyone’s sympathy. I’m a grown up, I know what I’m doing so what if I make some mistakes… who cares. I’ve been on my own for 5 years I don’t need or rely on anyone for anything and I’m not about to start now. No one can know how low I feel sometimes (probably because I never tell anyone) and how hard it is living in my head when I feel this low so why should I deny myself one thing that for a few hours, or a couple of nights make me so happy? Even if in the long run it makes me unhappy, it’ll just be one more in a long list of things that make me unhappy so what difference does it actually make, except that for those hours and days I’m with him, I forget everything else and I can be happy and be a ‘normal’ 22 year old who’s having fun and not being someone’s mum, someone’s friend, someone’s victim or someone that has been through all the other shit I’ve been through since I was 13.

What a Weekend!

Well, where do I start with everything that’s happened since I last blogged… 

 I went for my bridesmaid fitting Thursday. That went really well. The dress needed taking in quite a bit, I tried it on with the underwear and everything and once she’d pinned it in it looked really nice! Abigail tried her dress in and, of course looked absolutely gorgeous! So they’re going to make the alterations and we haven’t got to go back now until August time! It won’t be long though really…. Carly gets married on 1 September!! When we’d been for the fitting I took my little cousin home (cos she’s being a bridesmaid too) and ended up stopping at my cousins for a cuppa which last til 9 pm! So by the time we’d got home, had some tea and a bath it was gone ten! I was absolutely dead on my feet after my late night Wednesday too! 

Friday we went down to Sue’s for the usual Chinese and Wine night. It was a bit of a let down this week. I didn’t really have a lot to drink and Sue wasn’t ever so well. She was asleep on the sofa when Andy came in! Andy and me had a heart to heart though, which was nice.  

Saturday Sue and me went into town and Abigail and Max tagged along! I treated myself to two gorgeous tops from top shop! By the time we got home it was 2 pm so I really couldn’t be bothered to go food shopping then. So I set about doing the important, but mind numbingly boring task of sorting and filing all my paperwork, bills etc! About 3 days later (that’s just how long it felt) I finally finished…. A good job well done I think! I was interrupted mid-filing by Harry & Max who wanted me to go and put a bet on the Grand National for them, so off we all trotted. Bearing in mind I have never put a bet on in my life! I went in and must have looked completely lost cos this lovely lady that worked there came and helped me and wrote all the slips and everything out for me…. And guess what? My horse came third so I won £10!! Excellent stuff!! After that I popped down to Sue’s and had a little drink with them for an hour or so, before trotting off home to watch Any Dream Will Do and Grease is the Word – Exciting! 

Then came Sunday, yesterday! Mum had said on Saturday that she was going to take Abigail to the seaside for the day so they picked her up at 9 am and I was left all by myself. I went and did the food shopping, collected my winnings and took my aunties birthday cards round. I bumped into my cousin again so went and had a cuppa with her! Got home about 12.30 and put the shopping away and did the ironing – which was loads of fun in that heat! Sue text me at about 1.30 and said pop down for a drink if ya want… So I did. And that’s when the trouble started… We were sat in the garden and I had 3 bottles of Smirnoff Ice, before starting on the wine! Which, combined with the heat was not a good idea. Basically, I was wrecked… no two ways about it. Mum had said they’d be back at about 7 so at 6 I went home to try and get my head together before they got back. I made myself a burger and sat on the sofa and who walks past my window…. Twathoop… yeah that’s right! I sat there thinking, he’s not gonna come here… but he did! I opened the door and said ‘You’ve got some front turning up here’ and he then proceeded to tell me how sorry he was, how much he’d missed me, how much he felt for me and how he never meant to upset me and like a twat I let him in. Don’t get me wrong, I had a proper go at him and said everything I wanted to say but after all I said about never letting him back in blah blah blah… I feel like a complete idiot! Abigail didn’t get home til about 9.30 so I wasn’t happy with Mum cos Abigail’s back at school today and she’ll be completely knackered and it meant that I didn’t see her hardly at all yesterday cos she went straight to bed when she got home! And twathoop ended up stopping the night. So I really don’t know what I’m doing now… Part of me wants to believe everything he said last night but the sensible part knows he was probably lying! Grrr…

Sugababes Pics

Just a quick update for ya…. Here’s a couple of pictures from Sugababes the other night as promised. They’re not all that clear cos the camera on my phone is shite, but I think you can just about tell who it is and it gives an idea of how close we were!

  

Also, Sue bought Abigail the cutest outfit for Easter! It’s some footless tights and a long t-shirt dress with a silver skull and cross bones on it with a little silver belt! Abigail looks sooooo cute in it! She was strutting about while she was wearing it Saturday and she thinks she looks like Avril Lavigne in the ’Girlfriend’ video!! Here’s a picture of her wearing it!

That’s it anyway!

Return of the Killer Headaches

Well, the Bank Holiday is over and I’m now back at work! Oh joy!! It’s a joke at work today as well. Isn’t it always though?? Never mind, them 2 jobs I applied for both closed on Friday so fingers crossed I’ll be hearing something soon!

 It seems the killer headaches I was suffering with last year have returned! Great. I know a headache doesn’t sound like much to be moaning about but I woke up with one Sunday morning and I knew straight away that it was one of ‘those’ headaches. It got that bad mid-morning that I couldn’t walk straight and the pain was immense… even putting my feet on the floor made my headache worsen (Believe me I know how odd that sounds but that’s how it feels!). So I ended up taking one of the tablets that the Neurologist prescribed me last year – now I don’t like taking them as they are a mild sedative and completely zonk me out, but I really couldn’t do anything else! I went to mum’s for dinner and I was in full zombie mode while I was eating! When I got home I just collapsed on the sofa ko’d for 3 hours! Fortunately Abigail was very tired, having slept at my mum’s the previous night and she was asleep in bed! When I woke up I felt loads better but yesterday morning it was still there… luckily this time it didn’t fully take hold so I was able to carry on like a normal human being! I’m hoping that it was just a one off cos I’ve had a busy weekend and it’s not gonna get to the stage where it’s a daily thing like it was last year! 

Sugababes Saturday was amazing! I can’t believe how close we were to the stage! (I took some pictures on my phone that I’ll add to the blog when I get home) They were fab live and I can’t get over the fact that they sound exactly the same as when ya hear them on the radio – cos usually there’s a stark difference! We had tea at TGI’s which was completely gorgeous as well so all in all it was a fab night! 

Yesterday, I took Abigail, Harry & Max to see Meet the Robinsons. I thoroughly enjoyed it as well as the kids! It’s well worth a watch, it’s quite clever for a kids film too… some bits I really had to think about for them to make sense (this may have just been cos of the headache too though!) 

Catch Ya Later X x X x X

Bank Holiday – I’m Loving It!

How much am I loving this Bank Holiday? The Sun is shining and I’m not at work! What more could you ask for. We had the best day ever yesterday, me, Abigail, Sue, Harry & Max all went to this place that was called Butterfly House! There was a tropical house full of HUGE butterflies and all sorts of fish and creepy crawly things but as well as that, there were also farmyard animals and birds! It was a bargain at £26 for the lot of us to get in. We got the kids some bags of food for the animals and off we set. First we find these little tiny Marmoset Monkeys and they were soooo cute! Then there was the farm pens where there was a Llama that took a shine to Sue – I think he fancied her, he would not leave her alone! In there as well there were the cutest baby lambs and baby goats I have ever seen! They were only 1 week old! I could have took one of them home, he looked so scared of all these people cooing over him! There were adult goats as well, but they were a bit mean! We had a wander round and found the birds, there were some gorgeous owls that Harry & Max held, Abigail stroked them, she wasn’t quite brave enough to hold it herself! Then there was a nursery where there were little tiny teeny baby chicks! That we all got to hold! It was fab! I was loving it as much as the kids! There were some parrots that spoke to you to! How cool! We had lunch there and the kids were all brilliantly behaved! I took a few pictures, I meant to take more but we were just having such a good time I kept forgetting. There’s a picture of the Llama and this huge pot bellied pig that we all kept saying was like Andy (Sue’s Hubby!)

  

Last night we went to Sue’s for a Chinese. We haven’t had one for a while cos we were out last Friday. We had a fantastic night. Me & Sue was wrecked. The Bodyguard was on TV and when Whitney Houston started singing ‘I have Nothing’ we all started singing and dancing – proper over the top. Then we just kept rewinding it til Andy come back from the club when we gave him a welcome home he’ll never forget. Abigail and Max were both up dancing like lunatics with me and Sue! I was chucking Max about, Abigail was on Sue’s back and we were all belting out ‘I have Nothing’ at the top of our lungs (it’s a good job the house next door to Sue is empty!) Then we rewound it again and Andy joined in! It was one of them sort of nights that the kids will always remember – having a laugh with family after a mint family day out! We were on about this last night – how important it is for kids to have happy childhood memories. All in all it was just mega!

Today is off course – Sugababes!! I’ve been up to Asda and treated myself to a new top! I bought some new, proper huge, WAG sunglasses too and a HUGE WAG handbag to go with it! Abigail’s had a new dress cos she’s going to a party this afternoon. That means I’ll have time to chill out and have a bath while she’s gone! So looking forward to TGI’s for tea too! Me & Chelle have decided to go for the starter and main course deal this time instead of the pudding! Mmmm Mmmm!! I’m so excited!!

    Catch ya Later!! X x X x X

Falling Down Drunk

Last night was amazing. I haven’t had such fun in AGES. Although to be fair I haven’t been out in ages. It was a bit of a mad rush to get cleaned up, feed Abigail, bath both of us and get ready in time but I managed it. We started in Chicago Rock and made our way around from there! I got absolutely blind drunk, which really isn’t like me and I don’t usually like to, but seeing as I was drinking Bailey’s and all sorts it really isn’t surprising!! We went into ‘And Why Not’ at about 10.30 pm, where after another couple (alright maybe 4) glasses of Baileys I somehow managed to fall on my arse… in the middle of the pub! Hysterical! We was all pissing ourselves, I jumped up and it didn’t hurt at the time, (probably due to the amount of alcohol consumed!) but this today…. It kills…. I can barely walk!! It was a fantastic night and I thoroughly enjoyed myself! 

Went to Dad’s today to watch the Liverpool v Arsenal match and What a result!! Liverpool won 4 – 1!!! Amazing and the man of the match Peter Crouch got a hat trick!! So they’re now third in the league!! Woo Hoo!!

“He’s Big, He’s Red, His Feet Stick Out The Bed –

 PETER CROUCH!!”